Wednesday, April 28, 2010


I’m most certainly no masochist, but I get warm fuzzies from a put-down by someone who has clear warmheartedness with me, such that the tease might seem otherwise (to someone just entering the room) dismissive or coldhearted. I love being teased by a friend.

For example, I say: “I didn’t know the software could do that,” and my friend replies: “There’s lots of things you don’t know.” I get a good laugh.

The retort can be taken as a compliment, if my friend has previously expressed admiration for how much, in their view, I seem to know. The tease is a backhanded admiration—maybe a little reminder that I might show more humility. Anyway, it’s cute ribbing, good for my health.

But if the retort comes from someone who never speaks to me or it’s said without good reason to assume warmheartedness, the retort would be unwelcomed. Or the retort could be coldhearted.

However, the retort could be from someone who wants friendship; or who wishes that our past warmheartedness was still alive. Then, their retort could be nostalgic, maybe heartrending, about what’s been lost.

There’s too much pretense of warmth in daily life without genuineness, lacking authentic feeling. So many relations pretend solidarities or rapports that are phony shows of warmhearted ways.